No More Leftovers

Can you remember the day you finally parted company with your old kitchen appliances?  Whether the occasion was precipitated by a move, renovation or they simply up and died, the sense of release is rarely paralleled in modern life.  We imagine you have no regrets replacing a freezer that required a combo of scalding water and a hair dryer to defrost, or a refrigerator that kept you awake with the thrum of its over-burdened motor that sounded like an insect hive.  Nor do you miss the stove that required you to light the pilot light every time you needed to boil an egg. Neither would you pine for an oven, so encrusted with burned entrees, which no amount of steel wool could erase. Suffice it to say, no tears were shed when the old, leaking dishwasher took its leave.

We often return to the kitchen in our C.R.U.D. (Completely Ridiculous Useless Debris) blog for one very good reason; kitchens act as both storage and work spaces.  New items, mostly in the food or paper goods categories, are introduced to the kitchen on an almost daily basis, so you have be extra diligent to maintain functionality.  The storage space is always expanding and contracting, depending on the number of meals being cooked and the number of trips being made to buy groceries.  Keeping a kitchen functional definitely qualifies as a balancing act, between the semi-permanent inhabitants and the consumable ones.  It seems our clients are always fighting for every inch of space they can muster.  This translates to no room for the non-essentials.

Nevertheless, when we haul everything out of the cupboards and drawers, we tend to find the remnants of appliances past.  The fridge may be rusting away in a municipal landfill, but the old crisper drawer, plastic ice cube trays and shelves you removed so you could store an 18-pound turkey overnight are inexplicably buried in a cabinet you would need to hire a crane to reach.  Your new stove may have a ceramic cook top, so why are you still hanging on to a set of burner covers with sunflower designs?  For that matter, what are those extra wire racks and broiler pans doing wedged between the fridge and the counter?  They certainly don’t belong to your new sleek, state-of-the art built- in convection oven.  You swapped the old microwave that hogged all the counter space for an under-the-counter model five years ago.  You really don’t need the oversized tempered glass carousel tray, which should have left with it. In other words, when you unloaded the big-ticket items, you neglected to finish the job.

C.R.U.D. CHALLENGE:

We don’t make this stuff up.  Many of these leftover items are really still in there, if not relegated to the basement.  They are parts and accessories designed for a specific use for a specific model, and won’t work as spares, with the possible exception of the broiler pans.  When you decide to take these neglected pieces to recycling, use the opportunity to dig a little deeper into your collection.  Here is what you may encounter – glass carafes from bygone coffee makers, blades from absent hand mixers and food processors, a plastic utensil basket from the decrepit ex-dishwasher and the cord that belonged to the electric kettle you donated to a church bazaar years ago.

Boxing Day

Often, what prevents people from embarking on a de-cluttering odyssey in their own homes, is not knowing where to start.  That’s easy; nine times out of ten we begin in our clients’ storage areas. There are several reasons why this strategy works. Items held in storage lockers, basements, attics and the like tend to be those that are either forgotten about or superfluous to everyday existence.  Therefore, they rarely are a source of trauma in the “letting go” department.  Once these items bow out, they create space for more essential stuff which may need to be saved, relieving congestion in the main living areas. This week’s C.R.U.D. (Completely Ridiculous Useless Debris) blog is devoted to a particular type of storage occupant; one that almost everyone seems to have.

How many times have you moved in your life?  Since most people do not spend their entire existence in the homes where they grew up, it is safe to assume you have had a couple of moving experiences under your belt.  Making a housing transition is never easy, but the degree of difficulty is related to how much stuff there is to explore and cull before going on to the new residence.  Our clients are no exceptions. When we accompany them to the subterranean regions of their dwellings, we are frequently struck by how many beaten up looking boxes reside in these storage areas that have never been opened.  Sometimes, we are told, these same cartons have remained in their current state over the course of several moves.  They hail from the distant past. Our clients are reluctant to get out the box cutters and take a look inside, especially alone.  It is a little like invading an ancient tomb or salvaging a ship that went down decades ago.  The anxiety level around this activity, measures quite high.

Would you like to know what’s really in them? Here’s what we find time and again. Many of the boxes emerge from hiding in the “inheritance zone.” If your parents have passed away or moved away, these may be the mementos and bric-a-brac you were not ready to part with at the time you were clearing their home.  Take the yellowed newspaper wrapping off and you will discover tarnished silver serving pieces, the vestiges of your grandmother’s china (complete with chips), crumbling paperbacks, dishtowels, and an assortment of bone china tea cups and saucers.  There’s bound to be a least one container of photos, cards and clippings. If the boxes have your name on them, they might be populated by your old report cards; your scout’s uniform, a teddy bear missing an eye and cracked leather ice skates with rusty blades.  Further penetration may turn up a box bearing a tangle of exterior Christmas lights or other odds and ends like stained barbeque aprons, pool toys and reference volumes like thesauruses.  In other words, you have nothing to fear from these benign artefacts. This kind of purging is just overdue.

C.R.U.D. CHALLENGE:

This type of job needs company.  It is time to call in favours from friends or family members. Remind them of all the meals they have sponged off you or how you always did the lion’s share of the driving to baseball practice if you detect resistance.  Find out when charities (like Big Brothers) are doing pickups in your area and coordinate your efforts accordingly.  Once you get going, you may find an unexpected treasure or two that will make the entire ordeal feel worthwhile.  Most importantly, you will be making room for new things to enter your life.  Think of the money you will save on your next move when you are no longer paying to have these boxes moved, yet again.

In the Throws

With home bills being what they are, many people have resorted to time-honoured self-insulation techniques in order to preserve their credit ratings.  To counter-act the effects of the frigid indoor atmosphere, (the result of turning down the thermostat way down), people have taken to wearing more clothing. For sitting in front of the fireplace, reading, stitching or watching TV, they don the perfect complement; the throw or lap blanket.  It’s quite commendable.  You save money and decrease our reliance on foreign oil. Agreed.

The new soft, cozy fabrics and low price points make throws irresistible impulse purchases.  They function as accents to enhance or refresh your décor.  Though diminutive in size, as compared with the full sized indestructible Afghan your grandmother knitted half a century ago, they tend to build up into significant volume in the homes we frequent. Therefore, somewhat reluctantly, we feel compelled to treat them as C.R.U.D.  Throws can qualify as C.R.U.D. under the “too much of a good thing” rubric.  Many perfectly worthy household possessions are in perpetual overstock mode, so that each item’s individuality is virtually undetectable. Picture a log jam of framed photos on the mantle, or a room that sports floor to ceiling paintings on every wall, or an overcrowded china cabinet crammed with crystal.  The same holds true for a haphazard pile of smallish blankets.  Either they leave no room for people to sit, or they end up on the floor, collecting dust and pet hair.

C.R.U.D. CHALLENGE:

In contrast to some of the other challenges we have suggested in the pages of this blog, this one should be relatively painless.  It requires you to set time aside to gather all of your throws from the far corners of your abode and subject them to rigid scrutiny. Remember, the point is to trim your collection down to a precious few.  Look for holes, particularly with the knitted throws. Ditto for stains that don’t wash out. There’s no reason to keep the shabby ones around. Many of our clients rationalize, holding on to throws that have obviously seen better days out of loyalty to the person who made it for them.  This is where the process can derail.  If you can keep sentiment at bay, you will wind up with a reasonably sized throw collection that is more reflective of your current taste and style.  Throws do wear out. When you do have to replace them, do not forget to donate or recycle the old ones.

Muffled

Accessorizing is an art. Ask any woman who looks well put together. Accessories transform an ordinary outfit by adding an element of style, colour or sparkle. Scarves are among the most versatile, in their many variations. There are so many choices; warm ones, pashminas in every hue imaginable and decorative silks and other fabrics. Scarves are the accessory of choice of many women as they age. A colourful scarf worn around the neck can mean the difference between looking vibrant or like a walking cadaver. Of all the visible body parts, necks do not – as a rule – age well. A scarf that conceals that sagging flesh is a more cost-effective alternative to expensive and painful plastic surgery. Scarves make ideal gifts. One size fits all. You never have to worry if your gift fits the recipient, so the return factor is negligible. Making a scarf purchase for you can prove to be a much needed pick-me-up that registers fairly low on the guilty pleasure scale, especially when compared with buying a Prada purse. So, what’s the big deal? Why nominate scarves for C.R.U.D. (Completely Ridiculous Useless Debris) status? The answer lies in the relative ease in which they are acquired. There is a high degree of vulnerability to gravitate towards excess capacity. When a collection crests to a dangerous level, the vast majority are unseen and forgotten. These rejected scarves have to battle it out for space in the drawers with neglected hosiery and lingerie. If hung on hooks or hangers, your scarves are more likely to slip off and be swallowed alive by your own personal Leviathan – the swirling tornado of shoes, belts, necklaces, shopping bags, gym stuff, boxes of tissues-aka your closet floor.

C.R.U.D. CHALLENGE:

Although scarves don’t come with an expiration date attached, they actually do have a shelf life. We strongly recommend regular editing. Making the cuts should not be insurmountable. You can divide the de-cluttering into two tasks: the winter and the fashion pieces. Eliminate those scarves that have been in your possession since puberty. If you live in South Florida you will not need that basket of bulky, knitted six foot mufflers any longer. You can save one for when you have to visit family up North in the dead of winter. Do you happen to have any of those synthetic fuzzy scarves in lavender that you made when you were first learning to knit? You can let them go too. Those are the obvious ones. The rest of the decisions are up to you. Just keep in mind factors like wear and tear, colour, duplication, sentiment, shape and itchiness in determining your criteria for donating. Scarves are easy to donate and re-sell as they tend to stay in style somewhat longer than other fashion staples.

Shrapnel

There is a subcategory of C.R.U.D. (Completely Ridiculous Useless Debris) that almost defies description. This C.R.U.D. form, unlike other unappreciated items with which we urge you to part company, is non-specific. We refer to this phenomenon as “shrapnel.”

As you are reading this, you may be making a mental inventory of your very own deposits of shrapnel.  Shrapnel  is any pile, box, bag, basket or drawer consisting of many different small items,  all totally unrelated to each other.  Think of multiple versions of what constitutes the kitchen junk drawer, replicated throughout the house.  There is no single task that we can think of as desultory as sorting through these miniature messes.

Encountering shrapnel is something akin to hitting the doldrums in the middle of the ocean.  You are attacking your clutter reduction project with gusto. Each obstacle overcome builds even greater momentum, then, you notice the shrapnel. Maybe it is just a re-purposed relish jar containing paper clips, nuts, washers, game pieces, and breath mints. Tackling that small job is guaranteed to slow you down to a halt. Many of these irritating items are homeless for a reason.  Their insignificance allows them to remain in this state of suspended animation, habituating any surface or container available to conceal them from inquiring eyes.  Shrapnel is a well-documented instiller of dread.  The reaction is similar to the one induced by having to sort through a half dozen shoe boxes of receipts. The one other thing about shrapnel is that it’s way more likely to present a problem in households where young children reside.  It is largely the nature of their stuff, which tends to be small and is often individual elements of bigger and more elaborate constructions, which really can not be completed without them.

C.R.U.D. CHALLENGE:

We have painted a bleak picture for you indeed.  Sorry, but there is no easy way out when it comes to shrapnel; it’s one of the tedious exercises that are best performed in small doses. Treat shrapnel the same way you would approach a problem of too much paper. Break up this effort into small consistent bites. Don’t think you won’t be tempted to chuck it all without even looking. This is normal, and we would hardly advise against it.  What kind of value do you place on your time?  The way to avoid shrapnel blowback is to train yourself to put whatever it is back from once it came, while it is still in your hand.  Clear your surfaces of little saucers, boxes, bowls and other shrapnel enablers.

Sticky Situation

Tapeworms can live in your intestines for years and grow up to twelve feet in length.  Unless your objective is extreme weight loss, discovering you are playing host to such a formidable parasite is hardly a reason to celebrate.  While not exactly parasitic, too much tape, red or otherwise, is an encumbrance nevertheless.  Have you ever stopped to consider how many different types of tape take up residence in your home?  Even cellophane tape, the venerable mainstay, comes in both single and double-sided varieties.  You must have at least one roll of adhesive tape in the medicine cabinet for scrapes and minor medical emergencies.  It is hard to imagine doing a paint job without the aid of masking tape.  And where would you be without the silver-backed, duct tape, equal to the twin tasks of both eyeglass and spaceship repair? How could you possibly manage without your supply of packing tape when you need to move or construct a storage box?  All of these examples, and many more like electrical tape, qualify as essential items.

So why are we even discussing tape in a blog dedicated to C.R.U.D. (Completely Ridiculous Useless Debris)?  That’s a fair question. It comes down to a matter of excess.  Tape is one of hundreds of proletarian, run-of the-mill household products to which minimal attention is given. They are generally bought for a specific purpose; gift wrapping, spray painting, or wound-tending.  As soon as the task is completed, the tape roll disappears into a drawer or cabinet, or it’s abandoned in whichever room it was in.  Our clients seem to have stashes of partially used tape rolls in the most unlikely places, making retrieval impossible.  Replacement rolls just add to already existing stock. You can also lay blame to the big box retailers. They price things so attractively, who can resist a bargain for a dozen rolls of freezer tape dispensers, even if you only have need for one?

C.R.U.D. CHALLENGE:

Make sure you are wearing comfortable footwear.  This C.R.U.D. challenge requires you do a clean sweep of the entire premises to round up your candidates for deportation.  Gather all of the rolls, including the partially used ones, into one location. Sort them according to category or function.  Promise yourself you will not buy any more tape until you have used up the old rolls. Try doing a stickiness test; if any roll’s adhesive is even weaker than the stuff they put on Post-it notes, discard it without another thought.  There will be other opportunities for purging that present themselves, particularly when one product seems to dominate. You can donate your excess rolls to schools, community centers and charities.  The biggest favor you can do for yourself is to toss the roll of clear packing tape where you have lost the edge.  You may make many feeble attempts to get the roll started again, that only result in frustration.  It will take you a while to realize all you are doing is ruining a perfectly good manicure. Eventually you will concede and throw the roll in the garbage.

Losers Weepers

One outcome of leading a C.R.U.D.-laden existence is that it’s really hard to find things when you need them. Even when you have conducted exhaustive searches of your entire premises, some missing items elude detection.  Consequently, often  you’ll head to the store to find a duplicate of what you already own.  It makes you wonder if organized people are not only neater, but wealthier to boot.  While much has been documented on the downside of clutter with respect to self-esteem and emotional health, the economic aspects have attracted less attention.

In this instalment, our intention is to acquaint you with seven of most often replaced household possessions. Those on this list share some common characteristics. First of all, they are generally commonplace in nature. Many of them have a tendency to move, meaning they live in one part of the house, but get used in another and rarely return to where they belong. Thirdly, they are relatively inexpensive to re-stock. One does not mourn the loss in the way one would if she lost a piece of fine jewellery or a video camera.

Replacements do not conform to our orthodox definition of C.R.U.D. (Completely Ridiculous Useless Debris) because they really are functional and essential.  They are simply lost in an unruly sea of possessions, their whereabouts impenetrable. Replacing any of the following will not exactly put you in the poorhouse. However, making frequent emergency duplication purchases squander both your precious time and hard-earned cash:

1. Scotch tape – Often travels from the office or kitchen drawers to multiple locations: quick fix for sticking kids’ art on the walls or wrapping gifts on the way out to a party. Tape dispensers are rarely returned to home base.

2. Screwdrivers - You never know when you will be called upon to tighten a screw or even pick a lock.  Screwdrivers come in multiple varieties and sizes, so invariably you won’t have the right one for the job.

3 Reading glasses - The problem with these should be obvious.  If you cannot find your glasses, it is that much more difficult to locate anything else.  Since reading puts people to sleep, reading glasses are liable to land wherever you nodded off – couch, recliner, bed, or bathroom.

4. Corkscrews -Pulling a cork out with your teeth is not really an option, particularly now that they make corks out of hard plastic. Corkscrews can get lost due to excessive alcohol consumption.

5. Staplers -Like scotch tape, staplers are usually kept in desks. They too go out on missions when a paper clip will simply not do.  Closely related is the subject of staples themselves. They often wind up in a different location from the mother ship, rendering the stapling machine useless.

6. Flashlights – On how many occasions have you had to face the darkness without the benefit of the trusted flashlight?  Power failures, suspected intruders and reading comic books in a room where someone else is sleeping, are all justifications for making multiple purchases of this lifesaver.

7. Postage stamps - Say what you will about the demise of snail mail, but from time to time, it becomes necessary to actually mail a letter, card or document.  That is when you search in vain for the little sticky roll that stands between you and disappointing your mother on her birthday.

C.R.U.D. CHALLENGE:

Is this all too recognizable to you?  Would you prefer to spend your money on things you really want as opposed to serial duplication? The aforementioned items are but a minute-sample of a universe encompassing hundreds of products that people buy again and again. For you, the problem could be calamine lotion or picture hooks.   Our advice is to become mindful about maintaining the permanent homes you have created for these essentials. Put them back. Pay attention and you’ll improve your retention