Tapeworms can live in your intestines for years and grow up to twelve feet in length. Unless your objective is extreme weight loss, discovering you are playing host to such a formidable parasite is hardly a reason to celebrate. While not exactly parasitic, too much tape, red or otherwise, is an encumbrance nevertheless. Have you ever stopped to consider how many different types of tape take up residence in your home? Even cellophane tape, the venerable mainstay, comes in both single and double-sided varieties. You must have at least one roll of adhesive tape in the medicine cabinet for scrapes and minor medical emergencies. It is hard to imagine doing a paint job without the aid of masking tape. And where would you be without the silver-backed, duct tape, equal to the twin tasks of both eyeglass and spaceship repair? How could you possibly manage without your supply of packing tape when you need to move or construct a storage box? All of these examples, and many more like electrical tape, qualify as essential items.
So why are we even discussing tape in a blog dedicated to C.R.U.D. (Completely Ridiculous Useless Debris)? That’s a fair question. It comes down to a matter of excess. Tape is one of hundreds of proletarian, run-of the-mill household products to which minimal attention is given. They are generally bought for a specific purpose; gift wrapping, spray painting, or wound-tending. As soon as the task is completed, the tape roll disappears into a drawer or cabinet, or it’s abandoned in whichever room it was in. Our clients seem to have stashes of partially used tape rolls in the most unlikely places, making retrieval impossible. Replacement rolls just add to already existing stock. You can also lay blame to the big box retailers. They price things so attractively, who can resist a bargain for a dozen rolls of freezer tape dispensers, even if you only have need for one?
Make sure you are wearing comfortable footwear. This C.R.U.D. challenge requires you do a clean sweep of the entire premises to round up your candidates for deportation. Gather all of the rolls, including the partially used ones, into one location. Sort them according to category or function. Promise yourself you will not buy any more tape until you have used up the old rolls. Try doing a stickiness test; if any roll’s adhesive is even weaker than the stuff they put on Post-it notes, discard it without another thought. There will be other opportunities for purging that present themselves, particularly when one product seems to dominate. You can donate your excess rolls to schools, community centers and charities. The biggest favor you can do for yourself is to toss the roll of clear packing tape where you have lost the edge. You may make many feeble attempts to get the roll started again, that only result in frustration. It will take you a while to realize all you are doing is ruining a perfectly good manicure. Eventually you will concede and throw the roll in the garbage.